All has been quiet these past two days. Is this a reason to rejoice or to be anxious still? Whether this is good or bad omen is still something to be seen. Or is it the lull before the storm in a manner of speaking? The war of sensibilities almost went out of control, but at least their souls were bared to us all. The recent exchanges of emails showed only one thing and it is clear that almost everyone involved is harboring resentment. Rightly or wrongly, I will stand by my observation.
This conflict has touched not my sensibilities but my inner senses. It opened new doors of understanding. New perceptions regarding the community we love and the persons who may have touched our lives. Household heads. Unit Heads. Chapter Heads. Sector Heads. Everyone who in one way or the other has trodden the path with us, directly or indirectly. This conflict brought my feet back to the ground. We are all but human after all. Our leaders are but human. I’m glad that my humanity is restored.
It is this realization that kept my own sensibilities in check. Honestly, I have my own. It gave me time to reflect on my life with the community. I have lived in total obedience to my leaders. Maybe, not blind obedience but total obedience. I attended my household meetings religiously. I attended our MCG meetings often at the expense of the times I would have accorded my family. I attended teachings and formations, believing it will enhance my knowledge of my relationship with the Lord and with my fellows. I obeyed, because my leaders would tell me to.
That was then, when my senses have been conditioned only to obey.
Because of this conflict, I now realized I have to see and learn everything beyond its face value. To be human again. To live with my feet firm on the ground and my eyes fixed on heaven.
This is what Pope Benedict XVI said on his dialogue with 400 priests while he was vacationing in Auronzo di Cadore in Italy recently. The pope told his flock to be truly man -- "that everyone according to their own gifts and their own charism loves the earth and the beautiful things the Lord has given us, but to also be grateful for the light of God that shines on the earth, that gives splendor and beauty to everything else."
These are priests who are our pastors. And I believe this also goes true with all of us in the community. The pope exhorts everyone to be truly human.
With my newfound humanity, I also reflected on the services I did for the community. I would accept assignments which sometimes are not according to what I wished for or really wanted. But I would still accept the offer because this is what the Lord would want of me as my service head would say then. So I did all of these according to the best of my abilities for God’s glory. I have always praised God for that opportunity to serve Him alone through the community. And on the other side of the spectrum, my human side, is a realization that I did them also for myself because I became comfortable doing it. It gave me joy and fulfillment. I found a purpose for my life. I did it for my brethren who have in need of my services. Without expecting anything in return, except their respect and friendship. That was what life meant to me as a CFC.
CFC I pray must also find its humanity back. To be in fellowship with one another. Men and women who give their respect and friendship to one another, nothing more, nothing less. This is what we must share to the world. Our life. Our fellowship. Our humanized relationship.
Only then can we all be proud to say that we do everything for our God.
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